Tag Archive | habits

lapses and absences

Apr2

Lapsences?

I’ve felt bad about my lack of posting and commenting. Life seems to be a series of things that are keeping me busy…probably not anymore so than anyone else (gotta do that get organized thing one of these days..), but enough to throw me off my usual patterns and practices. I thought for sure I’d write a book post this week…but the weekend had other priorities and by the time I could get to it Monday evening…the desire had gotten away from me. 

I’ve wondered whether this is all just a sign that maybe I don’t want to blog anymore…but although I know I don’t want to try 3-4 times a week like last year, I definitely enjoy writing and reading what everyone else has to say, but right now, it’s just not happening. 153

But I hope it will soon…

little updates

Nov26

Over the last few weeks, there have been one or two things I keep meaning to post about…some updates on topics I mentioned in previous posts.

1. I had commented in the last week or two that I had been unable to run “my” 10 mile distance on the treadmill in recent runs…actually, I missed several of my Saturday morning dates with the treadmill between traveling and being under the weather. All these and Sandy had kept me away from the gym in general. I really couldn’t run past 5 last week, so I was hoping I could get back to 10…by the year’s end if nothing else.

Anyway, I’m happy to say that I managed ten miles on my run this week. It was a longer run, with more breaks than usual, but now that I’ve done it once, I hope it gives me the confidence to keep working on it (my speed has slowed down as well, but I know from Cathy that it’s best to take a slower approach). I had been working on getting the speed up/time down before my one month break. So, I’ll hope by the end of the year to be back up to a 5.6 pace (I did this week at 5.4).

2. A few weeks back, I complained about how I kept misplacing things. A cup,  an umbrella, fingerless gloves/wrist warmers, and my sunglasses. I had found the first three, but had no luck with the glasses. I’m happy to report that I had left them in the drawer where I keep my purse at work. I didn’t put them in the purse, so when I grabbed it, the glasses stayed behind.

3. Several months ago, I posted about my gym “going green,” which basically consisted of taking away all the paper towel/wipes for cleaning the machines and the sanitizer to be used with the towels. I was not happy because they were asking everyone to bring in towels to keep the gym clean. My issue: towels will keep the machines dry, and you could say that the machines will be clean if the towel is used as a barrier…but anything you touch, sweat on, or cough, sneeze,or  breathe on? Not going to be clean with a towel. And, how is it green to make everyone have to do more laundry thanks to gym towels? I went back to a method I had used at my former apartment’s fitness center where they did the same thing…I bring my own sanitizing wipes and paper towels.

A few weeks ago, mr. strivingcynic pointed out an item in a local news magazine saying that the township now required that gyms provide sanitizers to their patrons. I had a good laugh wondering if someone had complained to/asked the township about the removal of sanitizer. Despite this, I had not noticed the return of the cleaners/paper towels.

Now, there has always been a dispenser with hand sanitizer on the wall. I went to use it the other day and noticed a business-card size sign over the dispenser. It announced that other sanitizers for the machines were available at the main desk (the sign about bringing your own towel is large and front and center). I looked at the desk and saw nothing, so I figure that it’s still kept away and you have to ask for it.

Not really an improvement, to my mind. And I wonder if that really fulfills the law…

spotty attendance

Nov18

I always have this idea that when I go away, I’ll be able to maintain my routine. Sure, there’ll still be some tweaks, but I’ll still get in some exercise, try not to go too crazy on fast food/sweets, and if I bring my phone, iPad, computer with me, I can keep up with the blog world.

And almost without fail, cut to me not having exercised more than walking from store to store, or around a tourist site; eating all manner of greasy/fried/sugary foods, and going nowhere near not just my blog, but any blog.

[Actually, I initially thought I'd just write up a few posts *before* I went away, thus ensuring the smoothness of the routine...and when that didn't happen I thought I'd compose on the road].

I was fortunate enough to go away for a few days to visit Charleston, South Carolina, last week. (A post on my travels will be coming soon.) I was not as fortunate in that I had some sort of allergy thing (I think) going on that led to a lot of coughing and nose blowing, along with taking allergy meds with a decongestant…so several of my nights away featured me falling asleep before 9 ( there was the day that I took a 3 hour nap at 3 in the afternoon…).

So, since getting back a few days ago, I’ve been trying to get back into my routine. I’ve gone back to not eating every fried thing on a menu, to exercising (but my weeks away between travel and Sandy kept me from my long run, so I couldn’t manage 10 miles), and now, back to the blog writing and visiting.

One of these years, I’m going to follow up on my travel resolutions. In the meantime, it was nice to be away, but I’m glad to be back.

lost, found, and scattered

Nov8

Lately, I’ve been driving myself nuts by misplacing things. Here is a list of things I have “lost” in the last few weeks.

1. Green cup I take to the gym. I remembered taking it to work one day and then couldn’t find it again.

Current status: found. It was in the back of the refrigerator. At home.

my green travel mug/cup is safe and sound

2. Umbrella. I remembered taking it into work one day…(notice a trend?). Could not find. In the meantime, I used a slightly messed up umbrella. I saw a woman with an umbrella that looked like mine walking down the street and actually considered the possibility of asking her where she got it while implying it was mine.

Current Status. found. I go to my father’s for dinner on Sunday evenings, but not last week thanks to the storm. Apparently, one Sunday it was supposed to rain because when I grabbed the tote bag I usually bring to my dad’s Sunday evening (it has knitting I never pick up and it’s where I bring back the food he gives me…), there it was.

still intact. no way I’m opening it inside the house while I’m on a losing things streak.

3. My sunglasses. I’m fairly positive I wore these home from work last Friday.

Current Status. Still missing. Thankfully I bought more than one pair of cheap sunglasses, but I like the missing pair better. And I’m sure they’re around somewhere…

at least I have a spare pair...

4. My fingerless gloves/wristlet. I went to grab these today because my hands were cold. Doesn’t matter how many sweaters I wear, once my hands get cold I’m totally distracted. Of course, I haven’t worn these since last year. I took a stab at it and thought they might be in a drawer with other gloves…

from a post last March, in which I described my perennially cold hands (notice our old counter tops and drawer/cabinet hardware)

Current Status. still missing. I’m hoping I’ll be able to turn them up!

Update. Two days after writing this post, I really wanted these…I looked around in the “usual” places and on a whim tried a “why would I put them there?” place…a box where I keep important documents [ok...a box where I keep papers I may or may not need again]. And there they were. Why? Because the gloves had been on a table *with*  papers…so when I put them away, the gloves went there too. Sigh.

These past few weeks I have also managed to leave my phone at home *twice*. I thought I had mislaid a document I needed, but it turned out to be where I thought it was after checking several times.

This is not a good trend, nor are the piles of books and papers I’ve begun to assemble around the house. Clearly, this all points to a small “my totally disorganized ways are kind of negatively impacting my life” issue that I seem to be having at the moment.I’ve always been the sort of person to misplace pens and small slips of paper, but the missing objects are getting larger.

Time to start clearing the piles, and hopefully, the cobwebs!

What was the last thing you misplaced? Did you have any luck finding it?

comes with benefits

Nov1

When I was at the Sourland Mountain Preserve the other week, I was struck by this tree with some sort of fungus? moss? well, growth.

There is just something about it that I find really beautiful (and this one hasn’t been played with in PhotoShop). I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s one of my favorite pictures from that day. There’s something about it that I find almost soothing or calming.

I’ve indicated in other posts that I’m often thinking about stress and how to deal with it. An idea I’ve toyed with before that keeps coming back to me is that of trying to meditate every day (okay, almost every day). Pretty much everything I read about meditation describes it in terms of all benefits (people who meditate are healthier, more resilient, more focused, more pretty much every freaking thing I’d like to be…) with no nasty side effects.

On the one hand it’s so simple…set aside some time, sit down, close your eyes, and breathe. And yet, it’s something I’ve found difficult to do in the past between finding the time, sitting still, and feeling that I’m not “doing it right.” Also, there’s maybe a bit of what I’ll call a hippy-dippy factor (ie, I can see myself saying “while I was running on the treadmill this morning…” but not “right before I sat down to meditate this morning…”) But, then my mind goes back to the purported benefits/no side effects, which makes me think, gee wouldn’t it be nice if maybe I didn’t get worked up by so many things and could take a step back and a deep breath before acting.

So, as I was contemplating this along with my birthday the other week, I thought I’d give it another whirl…and maybe rather than having a bunch of resolutions come January 1, I’ll focus on this one (but of course, we’ll see). I think it’s important. I’m not going to change just by wanting to (although that helps).

Since time is a factor for me between running around in the morning (my preferred time to do this) and knowing that trying to be still for more than 10 minutes will drive me nuts, I decided to start by using an app called headspace (from www.getsomeheadspace.com). If you have any interest in meditation, I’d recommend looking at it, particularly some of the animated introductory videos about what meditation does for you. At this point, I’m using the 10 free guided meditations each morning. There is a subscription service to buy packages and access to the rest of the site. I don’t know if I’ll do that, but am happy with the trial and the fact that the app includes meditation timers for if you want to go out on your own.

At this point, I’m only on day 6. Largely these guided meditations are the same. Sit down, close your eyes, breathe, scan your body, notice surroundings, breathe, let your mind wander. This makes sense since the idea (I think) is to acclimate you to meditation so you can go out on your own.

It’s only been 6 days in for me, but I find I’m enjoying the sitting and breathing and I’m hoping if I keep it up, that I’ll start to notice that I am experiencing those benefits. We’ll see. I’ll probably try to check in from time to time about it on this blog.

Have you tried meditation? If so, how’d that work out for you?

out cold

Oct15

I’ve been dealing with what I can only call (somewhat embarrassedly) a mild cold for the last five days. In the history of all the colds I’ve had, this one is really pretty inconsequential…and yet it managed to stop me in my tracks…or it would have if my schedule would have allowed it.

Instead, I’ve been trying to meet all my “absolute” obligations, but that has meant other things slid…like my precious blog schedule! And reading/commenting on other blogs…nope. instead I just went around in a “pity me. I have a very mild cold” way.

What amazes me is a) how lousy a cold can make me feel (it’s been a while since I had one); and b) how much my routine changes as a result. I have not exercised for the better part of a week. I’ve begun craving Campbell’s chicken noodle soup (I only want it when I’m under the weather). I sleep in different (breathing friendly) positions. I drink even more tea and am not that thrilled about coffee (but drink it anyway). I hole up on the couch under a blanket, falling asleep at a ridiculously early hour (okay, I pretty much do that all the time…).

But what can I do? It is necessary to give in to the cold, because when I don’t things tend to get much much worse. I’m still sniffly and coughing and wanting tea and sympathy..but I’ve also begun to rally a bit. I’m not quite back to schedule (I suspect no top ten this week)…so maybe I’ll just do a few “nonscheduled” posts until I can get back into the swing of things!

mental sunscreen

Sep20

Sometimes, my head is not where I want it to be…

at grounds for sculpture…I believe this is called something like “garden of the subconscious”

[pretty weird isn't it...?]

One thing I’ve wished I could change about myself is that I tend to get riled up by things…sometimes I say, I won’t let this small thing get to me…but if something bothers me, it’ll keep pushing on my brain, wanting to be acknowledged. It makes me feel a little…

yep, also from grounds for sculpture

I’m not saying I have a rage issue, but I let things get to me more than I should.  I aspire to have a zen-like calm in the face of whatever provokes me. In the meantime, I  have learned a few things about anger…like it never enhances my communication skills when I “talk angry.” I used to think that putting on a frowny face and a harsh tone in my voice showed people I was to be taken seriously, but I’ve learned a lot of people  (not surprisingly) don’t respond well to anger…they get angry/defensive in turn or they just shut down. And, I almost always feel bad about how I acted as some time passes (and on the occasion when I deal with a genuine jerk, I console myself that they are someone else’s problem…not a constant part of my life). Also, sometimes I can feel how corrosive anger is, how much it burns me, no matter how justified I think it might be. And that’s hard to shake off.

anger just weighs me down

But I think I’ve gotten better over the years. Maybe it’s a regressive or iterative better (two steps forward, three steps back) but I’ve learned that when something makes me angry, the worst thing I can do is react in anger. I have to retreat a bit, regroup, figure out if there’s a way to turn the anger into something productive (a better way of going about something that frustrates me, for example).

And I’ve learned what things will distract me and give me space. When I play with the cats at the animal shelter, I find I totally  forget whatever might be bothering me while I give a sweet kitty a head rub, or make sure everyone has plenty of water (a couple of the more playful ones constantly tip their bowls over, which is always fun). And inside my head, it gets more like this.

yes…exactly like this (and I love the impressionist painting sculptures…there are quite a few at grounds for sculpture)

Sometimes, as anger flashes into my head…it takes a while to remember that it’s a lot better for me to be like this last picture (ooh..and notice how the women have parasols to shade them from the heat of the sun [sun/heat/anger]…aren’t I being metaphorical [either that or I chose this photo and then realized I could work the parasol angle..])….but I get there (or close enough) eventually.

And of course, there’s always my “living art” that can give me a sense of peace

I’m like a statue!

Having a sense of humor doesn’t hurt either….

Are you easily bent out of shape? What helps bring you back to calm when you’re angry?

the powers and limits of concentration

Jun21

I find that I go through phases of ambition and phases of  “I enjoy being a slug…” There’s probably some seasonality to it (in the winter I want to hibernate…aside from a burst of New Year’s ambition). Once spring/summer arrive, I want to do so many things that I think will enrich my life. Rather, I want to do too many things that end up pulling me in too many directions.

I think my ambition/self improvement junkie streak is mostly a good thing. The blog name “striving cynic” came from the fact that even though the voice in my head goes “Yeah, right,” I still want to push myself more in all different directions. As my goals for 2012 indicated, I wanted to run farther, blog more often, tackle clutter, read…well not more books but certainly not less than in 2011, and take better care of my hands (sigh…that one still eludes me…but I’ll save that for the more formal update once we hit the “year is officially half over” [eep]) mark.

One thing I have picked up on about myself over the years, is that my ambition will often hit the wall of the limits of my concentration. Looking back, this is probably the reason why I never tried to pull an all nighter in high school or college. I was too much of an “I hate deadlines” nut to ever leave a project till last minute, and as far as exams went, I always felt that if I didn’t know it by 1 in the morning, I wasn’t going to. I was simply incapable of absorbing more information.

Another example is my blogging “schedule.” I’ve mentioned that I pretty much always prewrite/schedule posts. This usually means that on weekends, I work on my Monday and Tuesday morning book post. I’m happiest when I have the Thursday post knocked out on a Monday night (Tuesday will do…Weds. is pushing it!) and the Saturday post done on Weds (again, Thurs. will do…Friday makes me angsty). I end up usually writing Monday/Tuesday back to back….but by the time I’ve done those, I hit my limit for thinking about what I want to say, writing, reading, editing. So even though I would love the feeling of “wow, it’s sunday and I’ve got all my posts scheduled for the next week,” it just doesn’t happen. After 2, I need to move on to something else.

I think I’m happiest when I’m multitasking. Not in the “studies have shown multitasking is a loser’s game because you can’t concentrate” kind of way (I have no citation in mind, but I know there have been stories of late about how literally multitasking gets you nowhere [okay, fine. Don't trust me...here's a link to a story on this from The Huffington Post. Not good enough? Here's another from NPR]. I mean when I don’t block out an entire day/large chunk of time for one task, but rather have a number of things to work on (another lesson from college, when I had a semester that was so intense, I would literally take a break from whatever I was working on by shifting over to something else). And I prefer to mix the types of tasks I’m multi-ing (must do’s with/would like to do’s) (brainy/with physical). Although I can deal with “today is devoted to one task” when I have to, I’m miserable when I hit “today is devoted to x because it must be 100 percent done tomorrow [should have started earlier]!”

Good to know it only took me about 40 years to figure out how I work best, right? (okay, I wasn’t too worried about this for at least the first 16)!

How do you think you work best? What are your “limits”?

double your habit

Jun14

I’m not going to say I don’t have any bad habits/or vices, but I’ve cut down over the years. When I lived in Prague, I enjoyed starting the morning with a coffee and cigarette (I know…awful)…the latter went by the wayside before I turned 30, but the former I indulge in regularly (as in two cups every morning or I’m really grumpy and have a headache). I don’t drink a lot of alcohol (again, I’ve decreased over the years, but thanks to my low tolerance, I was never a big drinker). I think I eat relatively “healthy” (aside from my dependence on sugar, but it makes life worth living).

But, I have one habit I sort of dip in and out of…I indulge for a while….stop…get hit by the craving, and start again. I’m careful with this habit because I know I’ll let it get out of hand thanks to another little habit that comes with it.

You see, every once in a while (sorry in advance, Cathy [who has given this up for a year..she explains a little in this post]…) I need gum. I just need it. I don’t know if it’s the hit of flavor, or the little bit of activity it provides, but I’ll find myself eyeing packs at the grocery store. The other afternoon, I went to a CVS pharmacy to get a father’s day card and knew that I wasn’t leaving the store without a pack of gum ($1.29 for a pack of Orbit Maui Melon Mint?).

But, you see, when I get gum, I don’t just chew it. I have to crack it. I *have* to. There’s obviously a little neurotransmitter thingamabobby in my brain that gets satisfied and happy when I crack my gum. The louder the better.

And, I like to chew gum after lunch…ie, while I’m at work…so, when I chew it, I do it after lunch and toss the gum on my way back into where I work…otherwise, I will walk along chomping away and cracking like there’s no tomorrow. Not the professional image I like to convey.

Other gum habits. I always chew two pieces (I almost always buy Orbit, and it’s small…). Once the flavor starts to go on me, I want the gum gone. I always feel like there’s an aftertaste. My favorites are Sweet Mint and Maui Melon Mint, although I do like Cinnamint from time to time. I’m not so much of a fruit girl. The Piña Colada gum has been sitting in a drawer for almost a year, in case I have a fit of gum desperation.

I rarely try to blow bubbles anymore (although cracking is a version of blowing bubbles inside your mouth so you can pop them…of course, as I’m typing this, I have no idea how I actually do crack my gum).

Are you or have you ever been a gum chewer? Favorite brands? Habit associated with?

tales of the unsavvy: technology trepidation edition

Apr23

Every once in a while, I forget my own tendencies…like that facing situation x always makes me feel y. I’m in the midst of a good reminder about this.

I know I’ve brought up my technological “unsavvy” before in this blog. Every time I deal with having to learn a new technology, it takes me out of my comfort zone, and I struggle to adapt and adjust. Mr. strivingcynic was telling me about how he’d once read that when it comes to technology purchasers, there are four types of people….and he remembered that two of them were the one who goes out immediately and gets it, and the one who thinks about it for a long time, and then when they decide to get it, go for the latest/most upgraded version. We both fall into the latter camp.

Which brings me to my happy reminder of my tendencies. I was fortunate enough to get a little bit of extra money lately (I pick up occasional freelance editing work) and decided to funnel it to something I’ve been thinking about….an iPad. Yep…the idea of being able to play with my iPhone in a larger setting lured me in. So, as is my usual process…I thought about it, I looked at the apple store online…I thought some more. My firm decisions were that I wanted the black iPad and a blue case for it. I was pretty sure I wanted the latest version…but some of the other options confounded me.

And they probably would have continued confounding me, except mr. sc made the wise suggestion we head to an apple store and talk to someone, which is what we did this weekend…and as the result, I am now an iPad owner.

as you can see, I held firm to my "blue cover" decision

Aside from the confusion (which clearly, I resolved). I was excited that I got an iPad….until I started playing with it, at which point I went into the, “hey this is new to me and how do I? why do I? what about?” phase I go through with any technology…”why did I get this?” I wondered…and then I remembered.

When I got the iPhone…it was the same thing. I was happy, intimidated, scared, put off, unsure, overwhelmed (and there’s always the part where I think the technology is too nice/too new for me and I don’t deserve it for some reason). A week or so later, I was charmed, and by a month, I was wondering how the heck I ever got along without it.

gotta keep the iPhones charged and happy...

So, now that I’ve remembered my early, fearful, phase and I’ve had a little more “exploration time” (I’ve been getting the digital versions of all my magazine subscriptions–holy cow it’s amazing), I’m back into awe with a little intimidation. I suspect within a month, we’ll be wondering how the household survived without a tablet. And I’m learning to accept that my unsavvy ways lead me to initial discomfort, but that’s what helps me move forward.

a magazine page on the iPad (and you can see, I held firm on my choice of black)

So, less than 24 hours in, my iPad pros and cons

Pros: bigger interface than the iPhone, portable, stand-uppable (using the case as a prop), can read magazines, has more potential for video watching

Cons: two screen related–there’s a glare under lights and my fingerprints are visible everywhere (obviously, these aren’t iPad specific), just what I’m noticing. Also, you have to decide on purchase whether you just want wifi connectivity or wifi with the possibility of 4G (which costs more)…I decided to go for the latter even though I only intend to use it with wifi…but if the situation comes up where I would need to buy a data plan, then I would need to have the capability. But, I think that was the right choice.

And I think this move out of my comfort zone was a good choice as well.

How do you approach the use of new technology? Do you embrace it or fear it?