Tag Archive | social awkwardness

ummm, how do I know you?

Have you ever had one of these experiences?

The other day, I was on a train heading back from New York City. In recent years, we’ve been blessed with these pretty cool double-decker trains. And like a little kid, I always want to sit upstairs. I got to the upper deck and walked forward to where the front facing seats were. They were all full (and by full, I mean at least one person was sitting in a set of seats, and like most people [I think] I wanted to sit by myself. [I think the unwritten law of the train and human behavior is that you only sit next to someone when there are no more empty seats...I am thoroughly suspicious of anyone who would choose to sit with someone they didn't know rather than have a seat of his or her own...same thing goes with movie theaters, you only sit next to someone when it's necessary. I remember going to a movie by myself once and being creeped out when a woman sat next to me in a relatively empty theater...hmm...I sense another post].

So, anyway, I turned back around to the free seats when I heard someone call my name. I looked up and said hello to a man I knew. Or at least, a man I must know since he knew my name. He asked me how I was, and sitting next to him, I said “fine. How are you?”  And as he’s talking, the following is going through my head.

“Who is this guy?” “Do I know him from work?” “He seems to know me?” “Do I ask him how we know each other?” “That would be pretty weird.” Different scenarios were flashing through my brain…who? who? who? Thankfully, I realized within a few seconds that this was a man from the animal shelter I volunteer with, someone with whom I’ve spent several hours with over the last few months as we’ve played with the cats in and out of their cages.  Now, I hadn’t been to the shelter in several weeks between travel and vet appointments for my own little guy. So that was part of it. The other and bigger part was that we’re pretty dressed down at the shelter. T-shirts and jeans (I wear a zip-up hoodie to keep my arms from being exposed to cat claws since they tend to grip). On the train, my kitty friend was wearing what I’ll call, New York business clothes. That is, he was dressed WAY up compared to his shelter clothes. So, putting the business guy together with the cat guy took me a few seconds. You can imagine my relief at not having to ask him who the hell he was.

do I know you?


I’m not sure what it says that he recognized me immediately since I was also in work clothes (although not New York work clothes)!

Have you ever run into someone who clearly knew you but you didn’t recognize (or vice-versa)? How did you handle it?

too cool for the pool?

Despite the fact that the weather has taken a turn for the “bleah” again, pool season is almost upon us.

hotel pool, Santa Fe

As I’ve mentioned, in the last year I moved from an apartment complex where I lived by myself, to a small development/community where I live with my boyfriend. One thing both places have in common…a swimming pool that’s open during the summer. This week, I got my official “yes I really live here” pool pass. But, as mr. strivingcynic and I were discussing…we’ll see if we actually use the pool.

I got my pass every year at my apartment…and I probably used the pool all of two or three times. Why?

1) I lived alone, which meant if I went into the pool alone, I was constantly in fear of something happening to my “stuff” (towel, sunglasses, book).

2) As a single woman living alone, I seemed to draw the interest of some odd and lonely tenants (like the guy who left “I’m watching you and would like to meet you. I am not a psychopath” notes on my car). Being at the pool alone made me feel vulnerable (which depressed me since I liked to feel more “independent”).

3) The pool was a major source of entertainment and pleasure for the neighborhood kids…who would yell, run, play pool games, and splash, where I wanted quiet and relatively dry solitude. This also made the pool a little difficult to actually swim in.

4) I heard that one of the apartment dwellers liked to hang out at the pool in her thong bikini…part of me admired her audacity…part of me was horrified.

5) Speaking of bathing suits, I am self-conscious about some of my body parts in them . . . I’m someone who dreads shopping for them. As I mentioned, I was overweight as a teenager and wearing a bathing suit just reminds me of how “on display” I felt back then.

I did do some leisurely swimming in Santa Fe that reminded me that I do enjoy being in the water. Of course, going to the pool and swimming are two different things entirely. Whether I’ll actually use my pool pass remains to be seen.

On an unrelated note:

One of my magazines arrived the other day. It one of those “easy ways to cut calories” articles. I have to say, I’ve never really found a tip in those articles that pertains to my life (yes, if I got a double caramel macchiato with whipped cream every day, I could see how getting a skim caramel latte would save me calories, but I rarely buy things like that. It’s virtually the same with the save money articles…yes I could save money if I didn’t buy a double caramel macchiato with whipped cream every day and got the plain coffee with a caramel drizzle and added my own milk, but guess what? I don’t do that either). I was snarking to mr. sc about it and he pointed out that I’m not really looking to cut calories from my diet, but that maybe someone who was would find that useful. I dunno.

Have you ever benefited from a calorie cutting/money saving tip from a magazine…or do you find they don’t really pertain to how you live your life? What are your experiences with community pools?

do you reunion?

I loved taking "on the road" shots in New Mexico...and I think they somehow suit "contemplating my life" posts

One of the things I love most about blogland is that when I have no clue what to write about I find…um..inspiration (well..something to steal/borrow/riff on) from another blog. My thoughts for this post came to mind because of a post (and my follow up comment-y exchange) with my blend (blogfriend) and fellow Jersey girl Karen from ReFocus. On Friday, she mentioned in her post that she was anticipating her 20 year high school reunion this weekend. I commented about how I avoided my reunions…and just thought…hey, there’s a post! [Karen and I are a little parallel-livesy...similar ages and geography..and she's going to run her first 5k the month after I run mine...! It's a little freaky.]

To put it mildly, I did not enjoy my high school years (set the following to a 1980s/John Hughes soundtrack). I would say I didn’t fit in, didn’t have a lot of friends, was awkward, angry, sarcastic (wonder if that affected my ability to have friends?…). I was also 50 pounds heavier than I am now.

I just wanted to get out of high school. I lost weight my senior year and got to reinvent myself a bit when I went to college (out of state!). Over the years, I saw how my defensiveness, sarcasm, and anger put people off and I realized that I had assumed people wouldn’t give me a chance, so I made sure not to give them a chance first. Time and experience have made me (I think and hope) wiser and kinder, but I’ve found when I run into people from high school…feelings resurface.

When I think about going to a reunion, I tend to think “ugh.” Even though I know I am way different from what I was in high school, it comes rushing back. I suspect that people I remember as being rude, “mean girl” ish, prom queen-y (or otherwise perfect), or whatever, would seem a little more human to me….and I might find out that not only did they have no clue what was going on with me in high school (parents newly divorced, a move, being unhappy with myself), but that they probably were going through their own things. [I have to admit, I've also wondered whether anyone who made fun of me ended up gaining weight...]

So, when the 10 year reunion rolled around, I specifically didn’t go to it. I never heard about a 20th…but I didn’t look too hard either. Not sure if there’ll be a 25th, or if I’ll have mellowed enough by then!

yep, "open road" shots do make me think...

Have you gone to or skipped a reunion? How would you describe “high school you?” Do road pictures make you think about life?

will there be food?

The other night, I had to go into NYC for a work-related event. Beyond my usual worrying about which train to catch and whether I would know anyone there (I did go with a colleague, but he knows everyone and gets waylaid a lot)  my largest preoccupation was…….are they going to feed us?

You see, this event was from 6-8 pm….since I usually eat dinner around 7, I just kept thinking, “they’re going to feed us, aren’t they? maybe not? so, should I eat something before? bring something with me? what if I eat something before and then get there and there’s a ton of food?”

Although I think this reaction is natural, I also suspect my preoccupation with whether food and what type will be served at an event is genetic. If I tell my mother I’ve been invited somewhere, her first question will be about whether they’ll be feeding me (if I’m flying, she wants to know if they’re serving a meal on the flight). She says that as my mother, it’s important for her to know I’m being nourished.

But even stranger than work events are the times I’ve been invited to a party (like one of my friend’s kids birthday parties), and it’s scheduled from 2-5. So, what does that mean? Late lunch? Early dinner? Finger food and cake? Or the time a few months ago when my aunt, who lives an hour away, invited me up for 1ish in the afternoon….after my 15th handful of the nuts she’d put out along with veggies and dip, she realized I hadn’t eaten lunch and offered me something more lunch-like.

I never know what to do when I get these vague “does this mean they’ll be feeding me?” invitations. It just doesn’t feel right to call/text/tweet and ask if they’ll be providing food. But, if you assume that there will be food and there isn’t….how do you keep from letting the hunger make you crazy? Sneak snacks in your purse and eat them in the bathroom?

Ultimately, my colleague and I went to a diner across the street since we had an hour to kill before the event. I had a bagel (it was 5 pm and I figured that would get me through the next few hours if necessary). When we got to the event there was a lovely spread of coffee and fresh fruit. And that was it. I was pretty happy I’d had the bagel. By the time I got home (at 10) I was crazy hungry again, so I made myself some oatmeal before calling it a night.

actually a breakfast photo, but close enough

strivingcynic cat also wants some food from the fridge!

Countdown goals follow up:

Here are the goals again:

work my way up to a 5 mile run

post 4 times a week on my blog

have 3 new experiences

read 2 books

give up 1 thing

Progress:

5– I ran 4.5 miles on Monday morning, up from last week’s 4.3

4–I’ve posted 4 times in the last week

3–Nope (well, things like my anniversary were new, but not what I meant)

2– Chose Chocolate Bridal Bash, haven’t started reading

1–Nope

So, does anyone have stories about or strategies for dealing with food uncertainties?  Has anyone ever inadvertently ended up eating multiple meals? Do other people worry about what the food will be at any given event?